- tv psychiatrist: I met you 20 seconds ago, but I can tell your entire past from this and I know all of your emotional weaknesses and how to fix them
- psychiatrist according to anti self diagnosers: I will use my years of training to get to know you very well and discern weather you have this mental illness or disability. I know everything about the human brain and all mental illnesses and disabilities are completely understood by everyone in this profession. science is amazing.
- real psychiatrist: so I printed out this list of symptoms. which ones do you think apply to you? yeah um many names for mental illnesses and disabilities actually just come from groups of symptoms that are often seen together and while we sometimes know the cause, sometimes we have no idea. your input is just as important if not more than mine.
I googled my real name and this image came up
The interwebz KNOWS.
(of course, there was also a link to an actual newspaper article about how I had missed out on a powerball prize in a city that I had actually lived in because I didn’t come forward to collect the money. The only problem with the article is that I HAVE NEVER PLAYED POWERBALL. Everybody knows the future of gambling is $5 scratchers.)
One of the many things Bill Nye taught me
The difference between milk snakes and coral snakes is a crucial key to not dying. Coral snakes are extremely dangerous, and despite the low bite ratio, they can and will bite you if you’re not careful. Milk snakes are totally okay and chill. So remember, everyone.
If red touches yellow, you’re a dead fellow
But if red touches black, you’re okay jack
I read this as milk shakes and was very confused